Thursday, March 23, 2006

I have been...

having a reoccuring dream that I wake up to every morning. It is not always the same exact plot, but it has the same theme: I am holding the hand or lying in bed cuddling with someone and I feel loved and accepted and wanted. I hadn't told anyone about it or even realized that it was happening every morning. This week, I told my intern Nina about it and noticed that I do start each day off with this queazy weird feeling from the dream. That night I went to bed and woke up with the same dream, except instead of just waking up, I became very aware of the dream as a symbol and dreamt a profound reflexion about it. In dream-state I told myself that the other person did not represent the actual real-life person, but myself. I was told that what I was repetedly dreaming was that I wanted to be loved, accepted and wanted by myself. It is weird to think of two people in a dream representing me and I don't even know if I can completely understand the meaning that was ascribed to the dream in context of the actual dream plot. I do know that it is a first for me to have a disturbing dream explain itself to me. I also know that it is liberating to think that the feelings in the dream can all be understood inside of me: it is no longer "love me!" but "love youself!" that is plaguing my early mornings. Im working on it.

In other news,
Illinois is out of the NCAA championship, that is very sad. I joined the Temple Chorale and have enjoyed singing in a chorale quite a bit. It has also been a really nice way to see my northern friends more. Ivy and I went to see Savion Glover in a very intimate performance, so I can die happy now! I have a new mentee, Anahis. I need some help with our relationship, if anyone has experience with 10 year olds to lend me. I have been going to my movie theatre in my neigborhood alone recently and have found a strange thrill in it. I got a Naw Ruz call from CAIRO, where Nabihe is visiting her fiancee. Our love is so deep, and I can't wait to fulfil my promise to be with her on her wedding day. Congrats to Meagan L, Rhonda, Kathy and Rachel on upcoming weddings! Hey, baby W get into this world now because I love you so much and wanna meet you. Special love to Megan B, Angela and Sarah (y'all know why).
It has been a bit hard to write recently, but I am trying to be better about expressing.

2 comments:

Sarah A said...

As you write, so shall we read. We will soak up ever bit of Martha we can get.

Jessica said...

OOO! I'm so happy for you. That's a pretty vital and important realization. Rock ON!

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studies have been conducted recently about my generation as a generation of narcissists...this blog is part of that phenomenon :)