Monday, September 22, 2008

hi y'all! I'm off to TX in two days and wanted to put a few updates down first. SOoooooO...
+I started running on different urban paths beyond my neighborhood. I gain an unquantifiable amount of pleasure from the urban exploration that I get to do during these jogs. For each boarded up house that I run past, there is a maintained and loved architectural treasure. I have such dreams for a revitalized Bmore!
+Slurpee, my beta, is dying. He has stopped eating. I'm prone to end his life and suffering, but haven't been able to do so yet.
+B returns to the states next month! Before that she will tour southeast asia with Bob Quinlan :) I so pleased for them.
+O.Z. left for Jordan today; he will be there until mid-October. I'm so happy for his trip and jealous (you all know that I LOVED Jordan when I visited last year). We've had some good times recently, including: celebrating his Bday, BIG Ramadan break fasts (including the successful completion of the 3 chipotle burrito challenge), a nice dinner with C+E and a nice dinner with the Selways.

And then there is work. Since my last post, things have really gotten desperate. The director position (that I report to) has been eliminated and the woman that hired me, trained me/showed me the way and greatly inspired me to become more professional and an achiever is gone. In the meantime, senior staff knowingly decided to hire someone to work in tandem with me that I find unsuitable for the position. To add insult to injury, someone who is a superior but not in a supervisory role to me sat me down and told me that he and I both know that I have a problem, namely that I am a strong woman. He then proceeded to name other women that he perceived as super strong that are no longer with the organization. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

I'm sad about this breaking point. I feel guilt (why am I so overwhelmed by the duties of my position when others like PR succeeded? Why aren't I better able to manage the relational part of my managerial duties and maintaining job satisfaction for the other staff? Why do I find myself wishing to flee when I have only been at the company for less than 2 years -- am I lazy, avoidist, unfit to work?). I feel insult and a lack of job security. I feel saddened by the idea of once again reconstructing my life (new location? new job?). I feel tired and depressed. Mixed into these emotions are a deep love for the work of my department and the potential for impact that I could have under the right circumstances.

Please pray for me!!! I've always had so much providence in my life at times like this that I can't help but feel that the doors will be opened wide.

Thanks in advance and much love right back at you.

No comments:

Blog Archive

About Me

My photo
studies have been conducted recently about my generation as a generation of narcissists...this blog is part of that phenomenon :)