Sunday, December 07, 2008

My guide to healing a broken heart (trial-tested)

+sleep as much as you can. If you are having difficulty sleeping or you wake up with sadness in your mind, please medicate or drug.
I've found that three ibuprofen and three benedryl will work nicely for the most difficult situations.*Please do not drug if you have addictive tendancies.
+get exercise, sunlight and fresh air. Exercise is a fabulous way of tricking your body and mind into thinking that it feels great.
+find a soundtrack for your sadness and listen to it often. I can suggest anything Aimee Mann or Leonard Cohen and India.Arie's Testimony: Vol. 1, Life & Relationship or Whitney Houston's Heartbreak Hotel. Anything that makes you think of your loved one works well, too.
+read a Gabriel Garcia Marquez novel. I highly recommend One Hundred Years of Solitude for the most serious cases: it is captivating at a time where one's mind has trouble focusing out of fog.
+go to a movie alone. I think mindless comedies are the best. For me, going to an Owen Wilson or Vince Vaughn movie by myself is a tradition during heartbreak. Do other things alone that cause you deep, reactionary pleasure.
+eat what you can. At times like this, my appetite is very fickle and leaves me. Eat heavy comfort foods if you can, but if not, simply try to find some things that you can take in to remain nourished.
+hug your Lord close to you. When you feel unloved and alone, take moments to revel in his eternal love and presence. Ask him for healing and angels.
+write it out. Write a looooong letter to your beloved, stating everything you would like to say. read over it the next day and then tear it up into small pieces and dispose of it. At this time, you might also need to dispose of other mementos from your loved one that will cause you pain.
+surround yourself with angels. Angels are often summoned by forces outside of your control and come to your side in times of need. How to recognize an angel in your life: they are people that you are not attracted to (angels are nonsexual, of course!), they surround you with love and they sit with you patiently through hurt. Angels also have superhuman patience as you go through your process! When my heart was broken the most (Paris, spring 2004) and I thought I might not be able to continue on, angels Ake, Jessica, Nabihe and Megan were summoned. Thank God!
+maintain yourself. Stay manicured. Wear makeup and new, beautiful clothing. Look at yourself in the mirror and say "wow, I am beautiful". Look at your body and say "wow, I am desirable".
+meet new people and go new places. Make new memories! When you meet new people, refrain from talking about your loved one. Let these people fill you up with joy and help you remember that life is exciting.
+flirt with people you are attracted to. Let them help you remember that you are a fun, desirable partner. Let them call you more and wish to be with you. Kiss them and dance with them and smile at the thought of them but do not love them. Be honest about your purpose for the relationship so that you are not hurting them. Enjoy each other.

What works for you? Please comment below!


Katie S. said...

Consider getting a pet. A parakeet is great because it requires very little care. If you raise it from a baby, feeding it by hand until it can feed itself, it will follow you around for the rest of its life. It will hide in your hair, "kiss" you on the lips, and provide hours of entertainment as it flies into walls and pots of soapy water in the sink.

Just a thought.

Katie S. said...

Practice "Breakup Mindfulness." Use all five of your senses to mourn the loss. Notice the temperature of your tears as they roll down your cheeks. Taste their saltiness. Appreciate the crimson color that has overtaken the whites of your eyes. Listen to and congratulate yourself on the volume and drama of your sobbing and whimpering. Allow yourself to feel raw, open, and alive.

Katie said...

Visit a vortex for its healing powers (disclaimer: have not tried this myself). I'm pretty sure these are only located in one place in this world. Convenient.

Use your newfound free time to create something you feel good about...a craft, a new recipe, a letter to a friend.

Keep in mind: it doesn't make sense now, but you will probably be suprised when you look back someday.

Love you.

SarahA said...


Katie S. said...

I have decided you have far too many Katies in your life. Then again, can there really be such a thing as too many Katies? I guess I'd say it's a good problem to have!

missmartha said...

I love my Katies! And thanks to everyone (a Katie or a non-Katie) for your additions. Bahia and Dan arrive today, so I'm expecting Angel1 and Angel2

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studies have been conducted recently about my generation as a generation of narcissists...this blog is part of that phenomenon :)