Sunday, April 26, 2009

Things not to do on a date with me (a list gleaned from my real life...sigh)

No particular order
1. talk about how you just want to get married while repeating over and over that I am so young and I didn't seem so young when you asked me out
2. tell me that your mother only wants you to date Sri Lankans
3. say fuck or fucking
4. tell me that you would like to take me to the Holocaust museum so you can watch my reaction
5. tell me that your boss said you should have gotten lucky with me for the bracelet that I received at your holiday party (which we both knew was a pity date)
6. when I comment "I like to cook", don't say "of course you do because you are from the Midwest." when pushed for clarification, don't add "you know, like in the olden days, people in the Midwest cooked...and like in modern times, people on the East Coast do not."
7. wear a green paisley tie with a green flannel shirt (i don't care if this makes me sound shallow or if it was st. patrick's day!!!)
8. say that you love to watch Little House on the Prairie (i felt so bad for this guy that I actually let him know most women would find that fairly unsexy)
9. glare at me and ask me if I am elderly, pregnant or handicapped in a totally passive aggressive voice when i sit in the spot that gives preference to those groups on the metro (a simple, "let's leave that spot open in case someone needs it" would have sufficed)
10. practically snort and say "OF COURSE" when I ask if we can split the bill (I'm only ASKING because on our first date you INSISTED on paying and said that it was cultural...)
====>bonus list: things not to do on a first date:
++try to hold my hand
++seem to be going in for a goodbye hug and then give me a disgusting kiss on the lips. blehck.
++arrive late (or text me saying that you are late because you are looking for parking when the resto has valet. sigh)

I'm sure that this post makes me sound petty to the casual reader. To my loved ones, you will know that I know that even the worst dates have a silver lining if you can laugh about it later! I try to give people the benefit of the doubt -- and I am sincerely blown away by the lack of social graces in a "wow, people really don't think there is anything wrong with this behavior. interesting" way.

"when you love somebody, bite your tongue, all you get is a mouthful of blood" ~ Fruit Bats


SarahA said...

So not petty. Most of the things on your list made him (or them) sound very disrespectful. That never flies with me. Ever. Ever ever.

Anonymous said...

I've meet you once at a party friend of a friend)who has a blog so I clicked on her blog and I thought I will click on your blog very nice btw (at the time I thought you were nice)

I wounder how much was taken out of context to make yourself look good. Your single for a reason and it's not because of the guys you dated. Could it be that you take yourself to serious and your kind of a narcissistic person. As a guy I hate girls like you. Do you think these guys are setting around thinking about you? BTW your 25 lbs over weight.

And I'm sure you won't post MY reply.


If you want to respond my email is

Anonymous said...

You know what I hate? Guys who would be rude enough to tell someone they don't even know that she is "single for a reason"....and then comment on her weight. Your mom must be proud you turned out to be such a classy guy, Jeff.

J. Bahia said...

I think you really struck a chord for Jeff when you brought up the paisley on flannel combo issue. He took that one REAL personal!

Anonymous said...

Jeff left his email like anyone would actually want to get back to him....a tad narssistic don't you think?

Anonymous said...

My co-workers and I have been laughing at the reply's all morning. Do you think I would give a real email out to you dingbats?!? rocketmail is a public email service.

I work with girls just like you. All day long they complain about the guys they date. After 3 years and still single, I realize there stories are made up, just like yours. You know I m right. They want to be worshiped. They want to be told there better then that. It's another form of "give me attention" like writing a blog about yourself. At one point you even blogged about having a cute ass. WHO DOES THAT !!! Little House on the Prairie bad, talking about your ass good!

The best thing abut my wife (yes married for 4 years thank you) is her honesty. She's not posting blogs behind our backs. Tell the guy what's on your mind. I know you think your being sweet and nice. And you think you have "social grace" After a few dates I bet these guys would dump you. Your being fake! Your not a princess honey. I bet these guys are already dating someone. Your not a thought in there heads. But you deserve better? Because your a princess. Lets get the rape kit someone likes Little House on the Prairie!

But what's funny MARTHA! No one denied what I said about you.

Anonymous said...

Jeff... (I figured I could address you directly, since I'm pretty sure you keep checking back here to see the responses to your comments - awesome life!)

Noone who knows Martha feels the need to dispute your comments because you are obviously full of shit. You have no clue what a wonderful, selfless, kind, and giving person writes this blog. And believe me, that is your loss.

I think your time would be better spent actually doing your job (instead of obsessively checking these comments) or hanging out with your wife instead of making yourself look like an idiot on a complete stranger's blog.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

"Noone who knows Martha"Is that Ebonics?

First of all this is fun. My job can get boring. Try working at a insurance office all day. zzzz zzzz!

I never said I disliked her blog. Its good. The colors and text flow good together. I've been to France 5 times so I thought the title was interesting. So I checked it out. I may have lied about meeting her. I live in Texas.

A wonderful, selfless, kind, and giving person writes this blog - But guess what I have someone to come home to SHE DOES NOT!!!

Lonely people write blogs about themselves. Bored people at work read them.

I have to go home now to my wonderful wife and nice home. Have fun Martha writing your blog. I look forward to reading more of it.

The J-Dawg has spoken.

alicojolico said...

nice! i will take note! lol

Anonymous said...

Jeff, you are an angry little bastard. If you are bored and unhappy at work do something. Start your own blog, run, think of something thoughtful or might I suggest working harder.

Anonymous said...

Girls are so naive. Do you really think he gives a crap about what she said on her blog!?!

He's writing all this to get angry responses from you all (I may have helped). It's just fun office humor :) We wanted Martha to send us hate email. But she was a good sport about it. At least she seems to be.

I wrote the post about the Dukes of Hazard". Thanks for clearing that up Martha! I already knew who wrote that theme song.

missmartha said...

I'm sorry I didn't write your office a nice hate mail reply to get you through hump day ;) I will try to live up to my mean girl reputation better ;)

This has been funny, I do believe in free speech, I didn't take anything to heart and I KNOW WHO I AM. I'm not one to get a complex because people say I am not nice (I mean, you all apparently read my post from 9/07 about how much I love my booty - this princess has self-esteem!!). Thanks to all my girlfriends for being indignant and thanks to Jeff and coworkers for a good laugh. Men do dumb stuff on dates. Women to dumb stuff on dates. It's good material, right??

Anonymous said...

Guys are obnoxious. Girls like to gossip.

I took my wife to McDonalds on the first date, NO LIE! I figured no one would ever do this. She had this look of disappointment on her face (i thought I blew it). But she realized it took guts. I'm not cheap guy -it was about trying to stand out from the other guys she dated. If we had not worked out I could have easily been on her list of "things not to do on a date with her".

I still think your list was not that bad. Except for saying fuck. You don't do that if front of a lady! WE ALL KNOW THAT! And I live in Texas.

Sometimes guys can get nervous on a date, especially when they are attracted to a girl. That makes us say things we don't mean and try to be funny when we are not being funny. But what do I know I was not there and I took my wife to a fast food restaurant on the first date.


Anonymous said...

One more things tell your friends not to use words like wonderful, selfless, kind, and giving person" when describing you. If a guy says he wants a girl like that HE's LYING! To us those words mean fat, and ugly.

Use words like nice ass, big busted, cool chic and she likes football.

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studies have been conducted recently about my generation as a generation of narcissists...this blog is part of that phenomenon :)